Thursday, February 23, 2006

Because He's a Manly Man

Fellow MOB member Alan Anderson lists some fascinating facts from I've listed them below because I needed to correct the typos. (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.) I also left out a couple that were very funny, but of questionable taste.
When Chuck Norris does push-ups he doesn't push himself up. He pushes the earth down.
C.N. doesn't need a watch. He decides what the time is.
There are no WMDs in Iraq. C.N. lives in Oklahoma.
C.N. played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and he won.
When C.N. is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
C.N. has a deep and abiding love for human life...unless it gets in his way.
C.N. once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
People wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears C.N. pajamas.
When C.N. calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. Money falls out.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to one C.N. Roundhouse Kick.
C.N.'s house has no doors; only walls that he walks through.
C.N. doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.
C.N. can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side unless C.N. has been there. In that case, the grass is probably soaked in blood and tears.
C.N. invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When C.N. talks, everyone listens or else dies.
C.N. doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. C.N throws down.
C.N. doesn't bowl strikes. He just knocks down one and the other nine faint.
It takes C.N 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.